Yesterday

Yesterday should have been a good day. It was even what I had expected it to be. What I had not expected was my reaction. I don’t know why I have this habit of yearning for something, and when I finally achieve it or get it, I am utterly disappointed. I think to myself – ‘well…now what?’ I hate that. Why can’t I enjoy something that I have worked for or something that I have persisted at for so long? Does this mean that I will never experience true satisfaction? Why does that thought leave me so unsatisfied?

Yesterday opened up a new channel. I am no longer apprehensive. Events will take their course.

Yesterday a point that has left me clueless was reiterated. The mantra of life is self-preservation. Yet the predominant instinct of the human psyche is denial. Why do we assume that bad things happen only to other people? We read about divorce, domestic violence, death and rape. The media plies us with images of gore and destruction. And still we assume that none of this can happen to us. ‘Stuff like this happens to other people. It doesn’t and won’t happen here.’ For the rest of our peacefully uneventful lives we will only read about bad things happening to other people. For such a smart and intelligent race, why doesn’t it sink in that these things are happening to real people?  People just like us. Who wake up in the morning and brush their teeth. People who know other people and live with loving families just like ours.

Yesterday I realised that not thinking about evil is probably what keeps us alive. The worst part is, now I can’t stop thinking about it.